I was on the phone with my little brother a few weeks ago and he told me that my blogs are either A) pointless or B) depressing. Wow, glad to hear he enjoys them! Lol...I'm not sure what he wants me to write about, but here's another depressing entry for the books.
Last spring sucked--I'm not going to lie. Grandma died in April at the ripe old age of 90 and it was absolutely horrible watching Grandpa mourn her passing. It was beyond gut-wrenching. We're not a family to show emotions AT ALL...I was speechless when Grandpa held Grandma's cold hand for hours after she died and all he said was, "She went in peace," while he calmly sat by her bed. Then the funeral came and he just wailed during the entire service...a few days later, I went to visit him and he broke down in tears while I was making small talk with him. This was not the strong German man I knew but heck, he lost his wife one day before their 63rd wedding anniversary and all his other friends had passed. He was all alone now and living in a nursing home, surrounded by human bodies that resembled vegetables. Who wouldn't cry if they were in his shoes?
Almost three weeks after Grandma died, Grandpa went to his morning dr's appointment and left with a clean bill of health. He went back to his room and died just a few hours later in his chair.
I was leaving a meeting in Topeka when I finally received the news. I called Justin to let him know what happened and he thought I was kidding--I wish I was but instead I drove the hour back to Manhattan in a complete daze.
The family was still coming to terms with Grandma's loss when we were hit with the compounded trauma of Grandpa's death. At his funeral, it appeared as if my dad and his siblings had aged about 10 years in just those twenty days. Because the family is scattered all around the tri-state area, there was an unspoken announcement that this would be the last time we'd all be in one place, at the same time, for a VERY long time. All those silly excuses over the years for getting the family together didn't seem so silly after all.
The one-year mark of Grandpa's passing is this week. After I posted my blog about memories with Grandma, it was interesting to see what memories stuck out in my brother and sister's mind. For the record, here are my top 10 memories with Grandpa:
# 10. Grandpa Boob was a notoriously SLOW driver, even in his younger days. When we had the Christmas shopping trip that involved a sudden onset of diarrhea, Grandpa was behind the wheel and we were almost 30 minutes from the closest bathroom...I remember he "floored it" and got us home just in time. The three of us were so excited about him speeding, but really--I think he MAYBE went as fast as the speed limit allowed ;-) But it was fast for him!
#9. One summer, Grandma had just gotten out of the hospital and been cleared to go back to her coffee group at the famed Tasty Pastry. Granted, she wasn't able to drive yet so this meant Grandpa was responsible for taking her there & back (thank god). We're at home when we get a call from a family friend saying Grandpa had parked his truck in the middle of the street and went in to get Grandma! Turns out, all the traffic in downtown Clay Center had gotten backed up because of it!
#8. After the grandparents retired from the farm and moved to town, Grandpa still made his daily commute back to their old farmhouse. A lot of times we would stop in to see him and almost always, he'd be sitting at the kitchen table reading his western novel while wearing his one-sided glasses that had to be at least 20 years old. The man could most certainly afford a new pair of glasses, but I guess he liked them and they always made us laugh!
#7. Grandpa was an amazing farmer but he was a cattleman at heart. One day when we were real little, Grandpa was feeding cattle at the old farm and turned around to find one of the cows standing in the bed of his Chevy truck! He was able to get a picture of it and to this day, the photograph still gets passed around
#6. Speaking of cows--one year I decided to get a bucket calf for 4-H and who better to get a calf from? I picked out a red and white cow from Grandpa's stock and named her Rosy the Cow. I made sure I took the cow on daily walks and I would even tie her up to a post and read books to her in the afternoon (you get bored in the country). That summer, I won 2nd place with her at the County Fair and at the time I thought it was because of all the reading I did with her. Looking back, I'm sure it was really because Grandpa had great cattle to pick from!
#5. Grandpa pretty much had two outfits--his Key brand overalls for the farm and his grey pants with a blue button-down for going places. When I was in grade school, we were at Orschlen's to pick up some stuff and they had kid sized Key overalls...I begged and begged and finally got a pair! I'm not sure if I admitted it at the time, but I really only wanted them so that I could be like Grandpa :-)
# 4. When Grandpa would go out to their farmhouse, he always took his Swanson tv dinners with him for lunch. He would save up a whole bunch of the barcodes for us and give them to us every few months--I can't remember what they were for, but they had a deal similar to the Box Tops going. When I moved up to Omaha after high school, I remember seeing the "Swanson" tower down in the industrial district and it always reminded me of Grandpa and his tv dinners!
#3. As I mentioned earlier, we're not an emotional family and Grandpa was one to save any money he could. Growing up, Grandma always talked about how she wanted a pair of diamond earrings but Grandpa would never buy them for her as they weren't a necessity. It was at their 55th Anniversary party that Grandpa FINALLY presented her with her long-awaited diamond studs--AND a kiss on the cheek! That would be the first--and last--time we would see any physical affection from either of them
#2. In high school English, we had to interview a family member and I chose Grandpa. He was the quiet type and I felt like I just didn't know as much about him as I did my other family members. I remember asking him about his Tour of Duty during World War II and he spoke about it briefly and then I could tell it was time to change the subject. I had asked about it because it was something he never talked about while we were growing up. Just a few years ago, Grandpa sat down at a type-writer and wrote a book detailing his experience and the personal losses he encountered while fighting the war. Around this time we also found his Purple Heart badge that none of the family, not even his children, knew he had been awarded. For him, the book was his process of disclosure and this would help me undertand all the individuals I eventually came to work with in my crisis services.
#1. My main memory of Grandpa Boob was his devotion and kindness. I never once heard Grandpa say a foul word about anybody or anything. He took to heart the motto of keeping things to yourself if you have nothing good to say...and this is something I wish I could be better about. You also knew that if he gave someone his word, he would keep his promise until the very end. I think this is what made it so hard to watch him lose Grandma after a lifetime of marriage--but at the same time, it taught me more about nurturing life's relationships than anything else ever could.
The picture I chose shows my Grandpa on the front left and his "Brother Bill" on the front right; my brother is the back left, then my dad is in the blue & red plaid, followed by Bill's son Scott and my cousin Russ...there's definately some shared traits in our family!
I would like to wrap things up by saying Grandpa's real name was not Boob...it was John Wilbur...but as a little guy, he would always wear his hat to school and at the time there was a comic strip of a boy name Boob who wore multiple hats at one time. Grandpa's teacher teased him with the name one day and it stuck!
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