Apparently the clerk has been married for 4 years and just filed the papers to end it. She admitted she married the sweetest guy on earth but many of his daily habits drive her so crazy that she just can't stand being near him. I can rattle a few things off the top of my head that Justin does but none of them warrant leaving him! I was a bit puzzled by this reason for divorce and she continued to say that she wished they would have spent some time together before they got married..???? What??? At this point I grabbed my candlesticks and headed to the counter because I was too intrigued my her latest statement!
I kindly told her that I'm getting married in about a month and asked what advice she would give to a newlywed couple. The gal was actually VERY friendly and started asking how long we have been together, if we have ever cohabitated, etc...come to find out, she & her husband had a short-term long distance relationship before taking the plunge. Because we have known family friends over the years who dated for several months before getting married and are still happily together DECADES later, I knew that wasn't the reason.
After some more chit-chat, it became painfully clear that neither she nor her husband knew each other's expectations before getting married. He worked long hours and liked eating home cooked meals--she HATED cooking and loved getting take-out. He enjoyed physical contact and she hated embraces...after a few more examples, it was pretty obvious why things didn't work!
She finally ended the conversation by saying, "Why don't they have classes that tell you what to expect from marriage?!" and I wanted to say, "They do!" but took my candlesticks and politely thanked her for her advice.
Justin and I spent about 6 weeks doing our pre-marital counseling this summer. We were very fortunate that the Head of the Marriage & Family Counseling program on campus did ours for us at no cost as his mission work for the church. I would say it was VERY thorough and left no stone unturned...David made sure not to tell us exactly what to do as honestly, different things work for different couples. But he did discuss all the ups & downs of marriages and he led us in conversations about the dynamics of marriage and what each of us expected. I can't imagine it, but he said he's worked with couples who have never even discussed if they want children or not!!!
After our last session wrapped up, David wished us well and we were on our way--and without a referral to another therapist! Since David seems to think we have a firm foundation to build our marriage on, hopefully that will remain the case.
What advice would you give a newly wed couple? We keep hearing that communication is key to a successful marriage so that's one thing we're working hard on!
No comments:
Post a Comment